Brain Droppings
Thoughts while trying to figure out why I never get laid:
* Is it wrong to accuse a 250+lb, aesthetically challenged girl wearing a shirt that says 'hottie' on it of false advertising? If so, I don't want to be right.
* In my heart of hearts, I still believe that Captain Planet will take pollution down to zero.
* If someone told you that the new 'Longest Yard' was good it means one of two things: 1) They never saw the original, or 2) They are a complete idiot and you should have kicked them in the testicles or ovaries depending the gender.
* Women should be required to wear labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current bank account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends."
* I'm tired of sports commentators calling athletes 'courageous' for playing injured. The men and women in Iraq are courageous, or that time I took a final exam wasted was courageous.
* Does anyone else find it kind of rude that deaf people don't look at you when they're talking to you or you're talking to them. They just look at their interpreter. I hate that.... Then again, this is coming from the guy who used to give blind people the finger for fun. So I guess we're even.
* I wonder if Van Gogh or Rembrandt would have been mad that one of the Ninja Turtles wasn't named after them.
* Isn't it satisfying when you're piecing together last night and you suddenly remember where that bruise on your arm/leg came from? It puts an extra pep in my step when it happens to me.
* Next time you start humming or whistling the song Hi Ho its off to Work We Go from 'Snow White' Think of it like this: Its the last thing they say to Snow White before they leave. (say it don't sing it out loud)
* I still think the movie character with the greatest name is Jesus Shuttlesworth.
* Is it just me or is Lindsey Lohan one leaked sex tape away from actually becoming Paris Hilton?
* If I had a superpower I would most definitely use it for evil.
* I bet you those hideous "gaucho" pants were invented by some chick with an above average ass and fat legs.
* You don't really realize how shitty you're car really is until you watch 2 Fast 2 Furious.
* If I were ever to appear on MTV Cribs I would make sure my house would include: A sink with three options (hot, cold, Blue Moon), A walk-in shower with a seat (for those pesky hangovers), The biggest TV on the market, and an NBA jam arcade game.
* There's comedy, there's high comedy, there's transcendent comedy, then there's watching two fat chicks simultaneously slip and fall and a patch of ice.
* Is it wrong to accuse a 250+lb, aesthetically challenged girl wearing a shirt that says 'hottie' on it of false advertising? If so, I don't want to be right.
* In my heart of hearts, I still believe that Captain Planet will take pollution down to zero.
* If someone told you that the new 'Longest Yard' was good it means one of two things: 1) They never saw the original, or 2) They are a complete idiot and you should have kicked them in the testicles or ovaries depending the gender.
* Women should be required to wear labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current bank account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends."
* I'm tired of sports commentators calling athletes 'courageous' for playing injured. The men and women in Iraq are courageous, or that time I took a final exam wasted was courageous.
* Does anyone else find it kind of rude that deaf people don't look at you when they're talking to you or you're talking to them. They just look at their interpreter. I hate that.... Then again, this is coming from the guy who used to give blind people the finger for fun. So I guess we're even.
* I wonder if Van Gogh or Rembrandt would have been mad that one of the Ninja Turtles wasn't named after them.
* Isn't it satisfying when you're piecing together last night and you suddenly remember where that bruise on your arm/leg came from? It puts an extra pep in my step when it happens to me.
* Next time you start humming or whistling the song Hi Ho its off to Work We Go from 'Snow White' Think of it like this: Its the last thing they say to Snow White before they leave. (say it don't sing it out loud)
* I still think the movie character with the greatest name is Jesus Shuttlesworth.
* Is it just me or is Lindsey Lohan one leaked sex tape away from actually becoming Paris Hilton?
* If I had a superpower I would most definitely use it for evil.
* I bet you those hideous "gaucho" pants were invented by some chick with an above average ass and fat legs.
* You don't really realize how shitty you're car really is until you watch 2 Fast 2 Furious.
* If I were ever to appear on MTV Cribs I would make sure my house would include: A sink with three options (hot, cold, Blue Moon), A walk-in shower with a seat (for those pesky hangovers), The biggest TV on the market, and an NBA jam arcade game.
* There's comedy, there's high comedy, there's transcendent comedy, then there's watching two fat chicks simultaneously slip and fall and a patch of ice.
posted by Chad Chamley at 10:14 PM
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