St Valentine's Altenatives
For most of us, and by us I mean men and single people, Valentine's Day is just an excuse for us to feel sorry for ourselves or spend way too much money on something a woman doesn't really need in the first place. True every commercial you see is trying to tell you that you will surly get pussy if you take/buy your significant other their product. Honestly, they're full of shit. This will probably never change. I realize I'm not the ideal person to be telling you how to live your life, but I do know how to make the most of nothing. That's what this day is, nothing (unless you're a girl in a relationship or an owner of a jewelry store). So, if you're like me and don't own a jewelry store or a pussy you probably need something other than Cupid shooting you in the ass to get you through the day.
Rent Some Porn
Hey, its cheaper than dating. You can even save more money if you're already hoarding a porn stash in the back of you closet like I know a few of our readers are doing. You also don't have to have that awkward talk when you're finished with your business. Don't be ashamed that you have to "resort to porn". Think of it this way. Everyone else is spending lots of money in hopes to get some action, but with porn and a vivid imagination its a guarantee.
The Strip Club
Nothing says romance like the strip club. The smell of old semen in the air, the angry strippers who were forced to work on Valentine's day because a rich customer forgot about them, and the over priced booze. This will probably be your best chance to "meet" cinnamon outside of the club if you finally play your cards right. Otherwise there's always Gladys. Who cares if she reminds you of you grandma its Valentine's Day.
Head to the Bar
If you're still interested in trying to find someone to be your special valentine this is probably the best place to find them. If you're lucky their inhibitions should be lowered just enough to where they would consider you as an option. If this isn't the case not all is lost, you're still at a bar and they still sell alcohol. Who knows, there is still a chance that someone as desperate as you will walk through that door, take a look around the bar, and realize that you're the best they are going to do that night. If all goes right the walk of shame should be in your immediate future. Good luck.
Steak & BJ Day
We all know that Valentine's Day is a holiday designed for women and that's fine, they deserve a day like that. But what do men have? We get the short end of the stick on Valentine's Day. So guys and gals, if you're a couple then this upcoming March 2nd celebrate Steak & BJ day. Steak & BJ day is pretty self explanatory, and to be honest we're not asking for much. Just an $10 piece of meat and a little "TLC". Girls get upwards of $100 and the royal treatment for the entire day or at least you would if Steak & BJ day was in the guys future. Think about it. You would have the greatest Valentine's ever. If the guy goes to extremes to make you happy, and he will, you go the extra mile on S&BJ day. If he just buys you a card and takes you to Taco Bell, then you buy him the smallest steak and use a some teeth on the BJ. S&BJ could be the best thing that ever happens to Valentines day. Having him know that his performance on that day will directly effect S&BJ day will make Valentines days from now on the best days of your lives and all it costs you is around $10 a year and a little dignity.
Rent Some Porn
Hey, its cheaper than dating. You can even save more money if you're already hoarding a porn stash in the back of you closet like I know a few of our readers are doing. You also don't have to have that awkward talk when you're finished with your business. Don't be ashamed that you have to "resort to porn". Think of it this way. Everyone else is spending lots of money in hopes to get some action, but with porn and a vivid imagination its a guarantee.
The Strip Club
Nothing says romance like the strip club. The smell of old semen in the air, the angry strippers who were forced to work on Valentine's day because a rich customer forgot about them, and the over priced booze. This will probably be your best chance to "meet" cinnamon outside of the club if you finally play your cards right. Otherwise there's always Gladys. Who cares if she reminds you of you grandma its Valentine's Day.
Head to the Bar
If you're still interested in trying to find someone to be your special valentine this is probably the best place to find them. If you're lucky their inhibitions should be lowered just enough to where they would consider you as an option. If this isn't the case not all is lost, you're still at a bar and they still sell alcohol. Who knows, there is still a chance that someone as desperate as you will walk through that door, take a look around the bar, and realize that you're the best they are going to do that night. If all goes right the walk of shame should be in your immediate future. Good luck.
Steak & BJ Day
We all know that Valentine's Day is a holiday designed for women and that's fine, they deserve a day like that. But what do men have? We get the short end of the stick on Valentine's Day. So guys and gals, if you're a couple then this upcoming March 2nd celebrate Steak & BJ day. Steak & BJ day is pretty self explanatory, and to be honest we're not asking for much. Just an $10 piece of meat and a little "TLC". Girls get upwards of $100 and the royal treatment for the entire day or at least you would if Steak & BJ day was in the guys future. Think about it. You would have the greatest Valentine's ever. If the guy goes to extremes to make you happy, and he will, you go the extra mile on S&BJ day. If he just buys you a card and takes you to Taco Bell, then you buy him the smallest steak and use a some teeth on the BJ. S&BJ could be the best thing that ever happens to Valentines day. Having him know that his performance on that day will directly effect S&BJ day will make Valentines days from now on the best days of your lives and all it costs you is around $10 a year and a little dignity.
posted by Chad Chamley at 10:03 PM
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