Brain Droppings

Random thoughts while downloading porn at 14kb per second:

*Nothing tests your multitasking skills like trying to hold in a fart while you're making out and/or having sex.

*I nearly went on a three state killing spree because I couldn't get that damn Reading Rainbow song out of my head nor could I explain how it got there.

*A part you dies when you 'google' your name and one of the links says "funny chubby chad".

*Do you have to fail an IQ test to get on Deal or No Deal?

*I went to lift weights the other day for the first time in awhile and I saw a girl half my size benching the same amount as me. I stopped right there and I picked up my testicles and left.

*How many times do you let a hot girl call you the wrong name before correcting her? I say 10.

*I still can't get used to the phrase "Oscar winners 2 Live Crew".

*I saw a guy in a "Rage Against The Machine" t-shirt angrily slapping the side of an ATM the other day. I think he became angrier when I pointed out the coincidence.

*Would the son of Godzilla be called Jesuszilla?

*You know that look that women get when they want sex? Me niether.

*Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.

*I don't like to say bad things about the illiterate. I write it so they don't find out.

*I bet a reacharound from Suffleupagus would be soft and gentle.

*I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. I thought that was cocky.

*Sometimes I like to pretend I'm drunk when I'm driving just to see if I can get pulled over. If I do I accuse the cop of racism.

*I have a friend who bought an HDTV but refuses to get the HD channel package. Thats like bringing a hot chick home from the bar then finding out you don't have a penis

* Reason #318 I'm going to hell: while at the mall I saw a 4 or 5 year not paying attention while he was walking and walked right into a fountain. I was close enough to stop him, but I wanted to see how it would play out.