Brain Droppings
Random thoughts while getting paid to take a 40 minute shit at work:
*I consider fully stopping at a stopping at a stop sign my good deed of the day. I could totally rollthrough that bitch.
*Two little black kids told me I had a nice car the other day. Its a 1997 Chevy Cavalier, but its still nice to hear. Must be the four hubcaps or tinted windows I have on the damn thing, or maybe they think its a Cadillac.
*No one who wears a diaper should be allowed to drive.
*If you ask me I'll tell you that I'm about as metrosexual as Hulk Hogan wiping his ass with a rake on Mars while eating puppies.
*Its official TiVo has brought me more joy than a clown spraying cookies out of his boner.
*I still want to know who decided to put the work machine and the porn machine in the same box? No wonder we're in a recession.
*If I was going to get a tattoo on my penis, I think it would be of a bigger penis.
*Someone once told me to get in touch with my feminine side and all I could think about was feeling its boobs.
*I now know why I don't eat at Subway anymore. Even though its healthier than a McDonalds, the second I see those piss yellow tables, I'm done. Plus, I always think of Jared and all that loose skin.
*I think a good way to get someone to leave you alone is to tell them you have to fart..... big time. Works especially good on dates.
*How many rappers can rhyme but don't know how to read?
*One thing I probably get too much of a kick out of is telling people their epidermis is showing and the watching the confused look on their face.
*The amount of moaning and groaning that goes on during tennis amazes me. Whether it's the men or women playing, we should put all the moans together and make a tape out of it. Just the moans.
*Amateur porn means there is a very good chance for zits on the ass.
*What if there was an illness or impairment where people walked around humping the air? I bet the mall would be more fun.
*In the name of all that is holy please don't clap at the end of the movie. No one involved in making the movie can hear you and you're only pissing me off.
*Why is the lint always black in our bellybuttons regardless of what color undershirt we're wearing?
*I put IcyHot on my shoulder the other night before going to bed. A few minutes later, in bed, not thinking I scratched my ass through my boxers. The next morning I felt like I was shitting legos.
*Sign #142 that I'm going to hell:
I didn't even make an attempt to make eye contact with the hot busty blind woman that came into work the other day. We talked for about five minutes and all I tried to do was look down her shirt.
*I consider fully stopping at a stopping at a stop sign my good deed of the day. I could totally rollthrough that bitch.
*Two little black kids told me I had a nice car the other day. Its a 1997 Chevy Cavalier, but its still nice to hear. Must be the four hubcaps or tinted windows I have on the damn thing, or maybe they think its a Cadillac.
*No one who wears a diaper should be allowed to drive.
*If you ask me I'll tell you that I'm about as metrosexual as Hulk Hogan wiping his ass with a rake on Mars while eating puppies.
*Its official TiVo has brought me more joy than a clown spraying cookies out of his boner.
*I still want to know who decided to put the work machine and the porn machine in the same box? No wonder we're in a recession.
*If I was going to get a tattoo on my penis, I think it would be of a bigger penis.
*Someone once told me to get in touch with my feminine side and all I could think about was feeling its boobs.
*I now know why I don't eat at Subway anymore. Even though its healthier than a McDonalds, the second I see those piss yellow tables, I'm done. Plus, I always think of Jared and all that loose skin.
*I think a good way to get someone to leave you alone is to tell them you have to fart..... big time. Works especially good on dates.
*How many rappers can rhyme but don't know how to read?
*One thing I probably get too much of a kick out of is telling people their epidermis is showing and the watching the confused look on their face.
*The amount of moaning and groaning that goes on during tennis amazes me. Whether it's the men or women playing, we should put all the moans together and make a tape out of it. Just the moans.
*Amateur porn means there is a very good chance for zits on the ass.
*What if there was an illness or impairment where people walked around humping the air? I bet the mall would be more fun.
*In the name of all that is holy please don't clap at the end of the movie. No one involved in making the movie can hear you and you're only pissing me off.
*Why is the lint always black in our bellybuttons regardless of what color undershirt we're wearing?
*I put IcyHot on my shoulder the other night before going to bed. A few minutes later, in bed, not thinking I scratched my ass through my boxers. The next morning I felt like I was shitting legos.
*Sign #142 that I'm going to hell:
I didn't even make an attempt to make eye contact with the hot busty blind woman that came into work the other day. We talked for about five minutes and all I tried to do was look down her shirt.
posted by Chad Chamley at 9:54 PM
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