Thursday, December 27, 2007

Brain Droppings

Random thoughts while sitting outside a Victoria's Secret.

* I wasn't surprised for one second upon learning that the fat chick in one of my classes smelled like hot dogs.

* It's hard to get excited about the day when someone tells you that it's "snot freezing cold" outside.

*Apparently American Idol beat the piss out of the Olympics in the ratings. You would at least think that figure skating would lure some of American Idol's effeminate teen boy viewers away.

*I wonder if Jesus ever exclaim "Oh God!" when he ejaculated.

*Sign #786 I'm going to hell: I saw a retarded kid at Target playing with a Rubik's Cube and found it extremely hilarious. I seriously considered taking a picture with my camera phone.

*Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington, as well as all her calves to their stalls, but we are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country? Maybe we should give them all a cow.

*I was watching The Fugitive the other day and wondered, "how would they hand cuff the one armed man if they caught him?"

*Can a hearse driver drive in the carpool lane?

*I wish I had just once said. "Teacher, leave them kids alone."

*One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle becomes synchronised with a complete stranger.

*Have you ever flushed half way through a pee and then raced against the flush? It really makes your bathroom visits much more interesting.

*You cannot respect a man who carries a dog. Never.

*The more I think about the more it bothers me that I can't figure out where my metal coat hangers came from.

*There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you get your head caught in something.

* There's comedy, there's high comedy, there's transcendant comedy, then there's watching drunk skanky girls run into a glass door then hit it in frustration.

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