The Drunk Index
Over my 4 years of college and 6 plus years of steady drinking I've encountered a wide variety of drunks all over the midwest. So, I recently sat down a compiled a list of all the different kinds of drunks and put them into seven distinct categories. I believe that each drunk you encounter will fit into at least one of these categories if not more depending on how much they've had to drink. Here they are in no particular order.
The Invincible Drunk
Signs: rage, yelling, bruising, stupidity, and frequent emergency room visits.
These are the type of drunks who like to fight or just put themselves in danger. Sometimes it doesn't matter how big the other person is or how many of them. They also aren't afraid to tell you their opinion of you. They believe that they are the toughest bastards at the party and will prove it if they need to. Another thing these drunks like to do is jump off of, into, or over things. One of the most common things they like to jump around is fire. This is where stupidity starts to take over and just because they are full of alcohol means that they cannot be burned. An easy way to get them to stop this is to remind them that they are full of alcohol and alcohol is flammable.
The Don Jaun Drunk
Signs: Over confidence, lying, popped collars, unnecessary touching, and bad dancing.
These drunks think they are God's gift to women and aren't afraid to let them know about it. You usually find these drunks talking to the women wearing the least amount of clothes or dancing with the drunkest girl on the dance floor. There main goal is to "hook-up" with someone to keep their "playa" reputation well known.
The Not Drunk Enough Drunk
Signs: Beer bonging, shot gunning, excessive ''social!" calling, and repetitive mentioning of their lack of drunkeness dispite all they've drank.
These guys can never seem to get drunk enough, and when they finally get to their goal they are speeding past it. They also seem to think that they have to keep everyone up to date on their drunkeness level. These drunks are the easiest to spot and are most commonly found at frat parties. It is also common to find them in groups. Which makes sense since no one really cares how drunk they are.
The Lightweight
Signs: Throwing up, passing out, pouring out beer you can't handle, falling asleep in the bathroom at 11pm, and owning a vagina.
You always seem to have a few of these at a party and you always seem to them getting followed around by angry sober people making sure they don't make bigger fools of themselves. These drunks usually know that they are lightweights, but don't seem take into consideration until they've awakened in their bathroom 3 or 4 times.
The Shouting, Slurring Drunk
Signs: Inability to control the volume of your voice, Inability to put together a coherant sentence, Uncontrolable urge to want to tell you a story, and having to constantly repeat what you say.
These drunks can be kind of fun unless you're interrogating them. Even though they're hard to understand you seem to know what they are saying because they tend to act things out for you to a degree. They also tell you what they believe to be the best story ever, however you don't feel the same way. I can admit that I in fact fit into this catagory.
The Disability Drunk
Signs: Trouble Walking, Constant spilling, loss of brain power and logical thought, and Bad singing and dancing.
Another drunk that is fun to be around but not necessarily fun to be one yourself. You often find yourself to be the butt of the jokes when you can't walk or successfully pour your beer into your mouth. Then, because of your lowered brain power, you can't really defend yourself with witty comebacks, which leaves the door open for more mockery and ridicule. These drunk usually know that most of the ablities they enjoy sober seem to disappear when they add alcohol.
The Emotional Drunk
Signs: Crying, Partaking in unnecessary arguments, random angry outbursts, and possessing ovaries.
You always seem to see one of these at a party and its never pretty. 90% of the time its some girl overreacting to some mundane thing their boyfriend or random girl did. These people can sometimes ruin a party. Especially if the Emotional Drunk is a guy, because there's a good chance he could go Bruce Banner and turn into the Invincible Drunk all because someone questioned their masculinity. But they should expect that when they cry like little girls.
Which one do you fit into?
Link of the Week
For the ladies or curious men
The Invincible Drunk
Signs: rage, yelling, bruising, stupidity, and frequent emergency room visits.
These are the type of drunks who like to fight or just put themselves in danger. Sometimes it doesn't matter how big the other person is or how many of them. They also aren't afraid to tell you their opinion of you. They believe that they are the toughest bastards at the party and will prove it if they need to. Another thing these drunks like to do is jump off of, into, or over things. One of the most common things they like to jump around is fire. This is where stupidity starts to take over and just because they are full of alcohol means that they cannot be burned. An easy way to get them to stop this is to remind them that they are full of alcohol and alcohol is flammable.
The Don Jaun Drunk
Signs: Over confidence, lying, popped collars, unnecessary touching, and bad dancing.
These drunks think they are God's gift to women and aren't afraid to let them know about it. You usually find these drunks talking to the women wearing the least amount of clothes or dancing with the drunkest girl on the dance floor. There main goal is to "hook-up" with someone to keep their "playa" reputation well known.
The Not Drunk Enough Drunk
Signs: Beer bonging, shot gunning, excessive ''social!" calling, and repetitive mentioning of their lack of drunkeness dispite all they've drank.
These guys can never seem to get drunk enough, and when they finally get to their goal they are speeding past it. They also seem to think that they have to keep everyone up to date on their drunkeness level. These drunks are the easiest to spot and are most commonly found at frat parties. It is also common to find them in groups. Which makes sense since no one really cares how drunk they are.
The Lightweight
Signs: Throwing up, passing out, pouring out beer you can't handle, falling asleep in the bathroom at 11pm, and owning a vagina.
You always seem to have a few of these at a party and you always seem to them getting followed around by angry sober people making sure they don't make bigger fools of themselves. These drunks usually know that they are lightweights, but don't seem take into consideration until they've awakened in their bathroom 3 or 4 times.
The Shouting, Slurring Drunk
Signs: Inability to control the volume of your voice, Inability to put together a coherant sentence, Uncontrolable urge to want to tell you a story, and having to constantly repeat what you say.
These drunks can be kind of fun unless you're interrogating them. Even though they're hard to understand you seem to know what they are saying because they tend to act things out for you to a degree. They also tell you what they believe to be the best story ever, however you don't feel the same way. I can admit that I in fact fit into this catagory.
The Disability Drunk
Signs: Trouble Walking, Constant spilling, loss of brain power and logical thought, and Bad singing and dancing.
Another drunk that is fun to be around but not necessarily fun to be one yourself. You often find yourself to be the butt of the jokes when you can't walk or successfully pour your beer into your mouth. Then, because of your lowered brain power, you can't really defend yourself with witty comebacks, which leaves the door open for more mockery and ridicule. These drunk usually know that most of the ablities they enjoy sober seem to disappear when they add alcohol.
The Emotional Drunk
Signs: Crying, Partaking in unnecessary arguments, random angry outbursts, and possessing ovaries.
You always seem to see one of these at a party and its never pretty. 90% of the time its some girl overreacting to some mundane thing their boyfriend or random girl did. These people can sometimes ruin a party. Especially if the Emotional Drunk is a guy, because there's a good chance he could go Bruce Banner and turn into the Invincible Drunk all because someone questioned their masculinity. But they should expect that when they cry like little girls.
Which one do you fit into?
Link of the Week
For the ladies or curious men
posted by Chad Chamley at 11:17 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home